Pain Does Not Live

I tried to kill the pain.
I tried to kill pain, not me.
But I birthed a more evil existence than pain.
Invisible to all but me, it lives inside my mind pulsing through my bloodstream.
I tried to kill the pain,
but instead I now try to kill this evil spirit.
Only I can see it,
It holds the pain inside me.
It kills the pain  but like good things it comes with a cost,
and this time the cost is me.

I wanted to kill the pain.
I wanted to drown it,
like it drowned me.
It drowned me in darkness.

I tried to cut it out, but then realized it was not easy to do so.
I tried to rip it out of my mind. I tried to bruise it so it would feel what it caused me.
I tried to kill the pain inside of me.

I tried to smother it out, but it killed my light before I understood,
I could not takes its light because it contained nothing but the darkness it saved me from.
I realized we would have to live as one.
It held the pain so I wouldn’t have to.

But I did have to.
I tried to kill the pain.
I tried to run from it, I tried to run so far the demon would not be able to reside in me.
But it seemed to be me.

It seemed that it was undefeatable
I cried and cried
and then it clicked.

Darkness is defeated by light,
hate can be diffused with love,
pain can be replaced with comfort.

so I sat,
I loved
I accepted
I tried to kill the pain
but pain does not live.
It can’t be killed but it can be
replaced.

~Lotus Blossom

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